Its not easy... Its hard... I never wanted to see this happening... NEVER!!!

In relation to the situation that I had been in, He spoke to me in different manner, assuring me and allowing me to know that he is in control of whatever situation that I am going through. Whatever emotions that I am feeling and whatever that happens is in his hands, that he had never let me go.

"Jesus you are my king" a phrase from the song Amazing love, had led me to lift up my emotions and what had been happening at home to him. As what one of my close friend told me on Tues "Pray... Hand Him your thoughts.. Trust him that he would have his way with your parents.." It has definitely not been easy.

For the past week, although I have been, time and time again, affected greatly by what had happened, I come to the realization that it was foolishness on my part.

He prepared my heart since the beginning of the week for our service today that had spoke right into my heart. My hands were lifted up to Him, as an act of surrender unto Him, all my emotions, all my uncertainties, all my doubts, I have been through, have all been lifted up to Him. All that I desired, all that I wanted, is to dwell in His presence daily.

In 1 Samuel 2:18-26, we could see the contrast between the lives of Samuel and the sons of Eli. This story had taught me that God is present in all the circumstances that I am going through. Whatever that had happened, whatever that is happening and whatever that is going to happen, I couldn't control and couldn't change. However, what I could change, what I could do, what I could desire, is to react in a way that God wants me to, to be aware that God is present in these situation, to have faith in Him, to trust in Him and to have a positive attitude towards these situations.

May whatever I do, how I respond and my attitude be glorifying unto Him. May He be the anchor of my life, may the chores that I do, the things that I do, be a service unto God as an act of worship. May the words that come forth from my lips pleasing unto you.

Giving the excuse that there is events at work

Working her Saturday mornings off

Telling me that there is no choice

Dad calls on and off

Never consistent

Genuine care, I guess not

Me? I'm like a ball

Rolling at the center

Trying to find a way to keep myself from rolling

2 houses, S'pore and JB...

2 different parents

Multiple reason for me to go back to one another's place

Would this end?

I'm tired of living like a ball

I'm tired of pretense exhibited by both of you

Can you be real with me?

What do you think I am?

What has this house turn to?

Quarells, unhappiness...

What have this house become?

What am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to react?

It seems to be filled with much uncertainties.

Many of which I couldn't control

Would what I think would happen happen?

I really do not know....

May I trust you in all that I do,

May I renew my strength in you alone,

May I surrender my life unto you,

May I commit what has and is about to happen into your hands.

For you have shown me that you are faithful,

May I then, be a faithful servant and steward unto you.

I trust that you would make the path straight

Through different ways

In different times

May I continue to put my trust in you and you alone

May I anchor my hopes in you

May I find my peace and rest in you... ...

Open the eyes of my heart

That you may find your servant faithful

In doing things that you want me to do

In seeing situations and problems through your eyes

In responding too these situations as you would and as you wished

May I be a vessel that could be used by you

May I be a women after your heart.