I'm really very exhausted!!! Can we resolve the problem??

Labels: Thoughts

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If anyone really felt hurt about my posts, I'm really sorry....

I really didn't mean to hurt anyone or even pin point at anyone... I'm only using this blog to voice my feelings to the situation. No offense.

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The past week has been extremely tiring for me. Other than Monday, I didn't manage to get down in doing my DJ for the rest of the days. Why? Because I simply felt too exhausted to do so. In a way, as I have mentioned in my previous posts, I felt soooo exhausted both physically and emotionally to the extent where I was asked to write my RJ on Wednesday, I wrote till I was in tears.

This was exactly what I submitted for this question 'What was the main struggle that you encountered in class today? What step(s) would you take to help you overcome it?' with a little edits here and there:

"I think the main struggle for today is the part on team work where situations really isn't better with the communication problem between me and (him) that hasn't been resolved since last week. I was struggling to get things through him especially before meeting 3 where both of us were so silent and nothing could be done to salvage it. At least, things became better when (someone) took charge otherwise I would not have known what to do. Although (the other group mates) asked me a couple of times on what questions I wanted to do, I figured that I should, instead, keep quiet to minimize the conflict level between me and (him). From what I heard, he wasn't really happy about the way I work which that itself, I couldn't do anything about it until he is willing to reconcile and start talking to me. I had time and time again wanted to sit down and talk to him but I didn't have the courage to do so, mainly because I thought that wasn't the right time for it yet since he looked so upset with me and refuses to open his mouth to even communicate with me properly. Well, till the end of the first study period, I was mainly trying to find solution to the worksheet question that I had chosen. At the start of the second meeting, (he) and (another team member) finished their part and what Sarah asked them to do was to find the answers to the questions that were posted during our class discussion in the first meeting. I was just doing my part. However, when (the rest of the team) started asking me questions on the basics of the chapter, I started explaining it to them whereby thereafter, I was working with (a team member) on the rest of the worksheet questions. At the end of meeting 2, we managed to finish most of the things without any conflict. At that point before we went for our break, we individually chose what we wanted to do. Since (one of our team member) does not have any Chemistry background and I was left with nothing to choose from (because all of them were so fast in choosing what they wanted), I paired up with her. I was quite thankful that I managed to pair up with her partly because she was the only one that could help me find out what (he) was doing. The main reason was that I had no chance of even talking to him, not even through MSN as he blocked me. I was very careful on not stepping into his path this time where I made a clear line on "things that he is explaining I shan't explain". Those were the exact words that I told (my partner) when we were working together. Another reason that made me thank the rest of the team was that they helped us through although they don't really know what was happening between both of us where I had to admit, I am not sure of it myself. All my conclusions or deductions came from what others told me. All I could say is that I really had to thank all of them for being so supportive, not of any one side, but that they managed to get thing going and done.

To answer to the second question, what steps would I take to help me overcome it. I guess really there is nothing much I could do. The only that I really hoped for is to sit down with (him) when he is ready to talk and to resolve this conflict as soon as possible because I may be the very cause of the conflict in his eyes but I really do not know what I have done that made him so upset with me. Seriously, I do not know what is the starting point of it and I am really confused at the turns of things between him and me. Not that I cared about him like a boyfriend or what but really, I can't work with someone who is clearly upset with me and is not willing to let me know what he is upset about. I am really lost at how he expects me to act and what he expects me to have done. Although I have to admit that doing things without his consent could make him upset but not to this stage where a "sorry" may not be enough. I really do not know how to get out of this struggle that I have. The only solution that I could think of is to wait. Wait until he is willing to speak up and when he is ready to sit down and talk to me properly. Otherwise, with this hot-headed state that he is in and with my personality, before we start to get to the point, we would definitely start quarreling and nothing it would all go to nothing. All I could say is that I am really tired and confused at the turn of events where I know there are a lot of other things that I have to focus on. I am still WAITING for the time that he wants to resolve this problem. If we do not resolve it, I am sure that no matter what happens, we would definitely be confronted with it again and we would definitely be in the exact same state and there would really be no way out. "

Really, I know it has been an extremely long RJ, I didn't know what to write for that question other than that that came to my mind the moment I saw that question. Some of my friends even suggested that I confront him. I really don't know what I should do. For the rest of the week, we were having cold war towards each other and things hasn't been better.

Yesterday, I just installed internet at home. At the end of the Youth Service in church, I talked to my spider about what I should do. I told her the whole story once again and I told her that I have been emotionally and physically exhausted. She asked me to think of the the things that I could control and what I couldn't and suggested that maybe I was trying to control the things that I can't, that's why I felt so exhausted. I have been trying to find out what I could control. Really, the obvious one is my reaction. Both how I react to him and how I react when I fell agitated when someone else said something that is sensitive to both of us. All I could do now is to trust God to give me the wisdom and to soften his heart to be willing to speak to me. Also, I have to place this whole matter into God's hand and allow him to show me the way that I should respond, what I should do and the best time to do what I should do.

Labels: School, WEB, Week

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Early in the morning when I got out of bed, I told myself,"Die, haven study for UT"... ...

Reach School, hearing cheers from different ones of my classmates "TODAY UT POSTPONED!!!!"

All of us were so elated at the information that was poped out from our LEO as we sign in...... Oh well, I'm really exhausted after my SA Welfare Day.... Would Update another time........

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I am really very tired and confused about what has been happening in my life.

Recently... Hmm... Not really, since last week, one of my classmate, have been very upset with me. What about?? I have absolute no idea. All I know is that I am affected by it, very badly.

Oh well, I could say that I am the cause of it. From what I heard from my other classmates, he was unhappy with the way that I worked. The only time that he rose this issue was after 3 weeks of working together. As our Enterprise Faci ever told us, it is possible that we go through this period of time, both as individuals and as a team. I had never thought of making him so upset with me where I had absolute no idea on what is going on in his head.

According to the situation that our Enterprise Faci told us, we have to be mature enough in order to solve the issue. I would not be able to solve the problem if I were to be the only one realising that avoiding the problem would not help but instead make the situation worse.

What made me really tired was not the problem but his attitude towards the problem and how he faces the issue. Leaving me in suspense isn't going to help me or him but all I could say that this suspense of not knowing what is going on is making me feeling extremely exhausted both physically and emotionally. I feel the tired emotionally because I am confused and upset at the turn of events between both of us and physically tired because when I know that there is a problem, I couldn't solve it and that what really makes me feel that "I want to solve it but I can't without the other party's willingness to."

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I was sooooo happy when I saw my results last week....

This was what my faci told me......

"Hi Grace,

You participated actively during the class discussion and contribute your understanding based on your prior knowledge. On the other hand, I also noticed that when the rest of the team was discussing and consolidating ideas towards to end of the meeting 1 and study period, you were more passive.

It's good that you were back on track actively exploring the worksheet questions using excel program. In addition, you were able to ask critical questions.

You did well in your presentation which showed that you have indeed understand what's involved in working out the solution. Great Job!

On the other hand, you provided relatively more reasoning than your team mate. I hope you could encourage your team mate to take up bigger piece of the pie and assist them in their presentation.

RJ:
It's good that you are willing to allow your self to pick-up new tools and new skills. The more you use it the easier it becomes. "


Also, the comments for my team was also fairly positive:

"Hi Team 1,

After the class discussion, the team member are able to quickly get together to consolidate understanding. The team continue to collaborate closely in meeting 2 and were able to explore the worksheet questions using the excel program.

Although all the team members participated in the team presentation, I felt that the team can do better in distributing the workload more evenly. In fact, I notice that only 1 team member is working on the quiz question at the start of meeting 3. It would be better if every team member could participate mainly because it helps to strengthen your understanding. Nevertheless, I could see that the team members were able to demonstrate basic understanding of how the solution was derived. "

Was really glad that I could get it. Hope and pray that I could maintain my standard.

Labels: Mathematics, School

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"Hi Grace, thanks for your RJ. I'm glad that you now know and understand the importance of structuring your messages, even your RJs. Like for this RJ, even though it is not a very long one, you are able to divide it into paragraphs containing different points. This will definitely makes it easier to read.

You haven't been highly participative in class again this week. You shouldn't be too caught-up with doing your own things on the computer that you neglect to participate in the class discussions. For this week, even some of your team mates felt that you didn't contribute as much as they had expected of you. What's even worse is that one or two of them felt that you were not being co-operative. So while you seem to be getting along fine with them, you must work harder for the team when it comes to the team effort."


In truth, I totally don't know what my team mates meant by not being co-operative and how I could do more as I really don't understand why I must learn communication where there is total no link to my own course. I did try to do as much but at times, my group members are more active than I am. I do not deny that I have been taking a very passive attitude to Communication where I am suppose to perform as a active learner.

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Haix..... Its the boring lesson again.... I didn't know how others feel, but I do know that I am very very very bored now.... Aft finishing the worksheet, I don't know what to do now..... Zzzz.... Should I sleep or should I......

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This was supposed to be my favorite module but this morning, I started having 'it' and hence, not really in a good mood. Anywayz, pulled myself out of bed to class and now, I'm trying my best find information that could help the group in the presentation...... To be continued.... (L)

Labels: School, Sick

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I actually worked out the whole solution for my mathematics module in Microsoft Excel.

To tell the truth, I didn't know how to use the Excel to work out the whole thing but as my faci goes on explaining, I kind of get it and tried to manipulate it from scratch.

For that, I used 2hours to do it (with my lunch of course).

Before presentation, I still had to try my best to sort out what I have worked out in Microsoft Excel to my group mates which I am really glad that they managed to understand. Whew!

Thank God that I am able to still explain to them. But really, I am really glad that I am able to share these things with them and have been able to explain them well.

Seriously, I feel that I am out of energy this morning and It is by His grace that I managed to use my brain juice to the fullest.

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Growing deeper and deeper in Him daily has became a practice for me.

In WEB Last Saturday, all of us have been challenged with the need to pray in line with the Youth GDOP that is coming up. At the end of the sermon, majority of the WEBbers who were there, joined our leader, Matt kneeling down in prayer to God, asking Him to empower us and give us the conviction to pray.

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This is actually a follow-up for those of you who have been reading my blog.

On Monday night, I told my mum that I would like to have some time alone. What I did actually was sorting things out with God and making sure that my anchor remains in Him for the rest of my life.

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I found myself really really lost when my mother asked me the question: Are you going to change your focus as and when you are desperate for certain things?

Really, I was extremely desperate to purchase a Winnie the Pooh laptop cover for my laptop.

On Sunday, as I was very desperate to please others, I did something very gravely wrong. I shan't mention it in my post.

BUT....

My mum was very upset with me.

Anyway, I was very upset with myself too but what I actually did was to ask myself: Just hours ago, I was so on for Christ but a few hours later, how come my actions show no reference to Him??? At all???

What I really felt was the lost of my bearing in life.

I took 2 nights to find my bearing......

Life goes on.......

Labels: Bearing, Religion

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